I did not see the puddle...

It's been a life very full of life these past few days.  Chemo session number two was this Friday past.  The session went as planned, with no complications, and Friday and Saturday were pretty good days for Mawg.  If only I could say the same for myself.  Saturday was the perfect storm for me, quite literally.  I had originally planned to take the early bus to work and make up some time.  Which meant waking up at 5:45 instead of 6:00.  I didn't get to bed till 4 so when it was time to get up and go I was not as motivated as I could have been and decided to ride the 6:25 instead of the 6:05.


HUGE mistake! What would normally have been this:

Was, withing minutes of me deciding to wait 20 minutes, all of a sudden THIS:

I had done this to myself but somehow knew that the world was going to catch the blame.  The wife and I kissed each other goodbye and with umbrella in hand off I went to work. 

"Only sprinkling a little!" I told myself and added a little skip to my step, "maybe this isn't going to be so awful..." I mused.  Again HUGE mistake, BIG...the skies opened up and the rains poured down with a five minute vengeance unseen yet this summer in my little dry corner of the world.  It was at that moment that I discovered there are apparently two types of umbrellas available these days.  There's the classic type that is designed to keep you dry when you are in the rain.  And then there is the model that I had.  The one with a built in irrigation system.  Great for helping with those days when you want to take a shower while being protected from the rain.  Yeah, I know doesn't make much sense to me either.  So here I stand at the bus stop, with my functionally challenged umbrella, waiting in the rain for the #90 Metro. 

I saw the Chevy truck coming down the hill.  I saw the wave and the smile from the driver.  I saw him change lanes to the one closest to the curb.  I did not see the puddle.  The large puddle that had collected in front of me.  He, on the other hand, saw the puddle and the guy standing perfectly within range of the wall of water that he followed as he veered perfectly into the small lake that had collected at the side of the street.  I was drenched! 

Luckily, I only live two blocks from the stop and was able to go home, dry myself and my uniform, and still made it to work only one minute late.  While waiting for the bus that eventually took me to the train, I collected and stashed a small pile of stones from golf ball size up to about the size of a baseball.  I will never forget his face, and I have impeccable aim.  That is all that needs to be said about that.
I made it through both Saturday and Sunday at work.  Both pretty busy days that wore me out, but nothing I couldn't handle.  I didn't let the jerk in the truck take away my good day thankfully. 
As far as Marguerite goes, Sunday was the first of three pretty bad days.   Her energy level was pretty much zero.  She could only muster enough get up and go to sit up for a half hour or so at a time.  So she slept most of the day.  Monday was more of that, plus she was sick all day.  Nothing tastes right, or to be more specific, she lost her sense of taste for a couple of days.  She couldn't eat anything without having to run to the bathroom within minutes.  I felt lost not being able to help her feel better, but I did all I could do make her as comfortable as possible.  Tempers flared a few times, but we didn't let it get out of control.  Tuesday was the worst of all days by far, but by Tuesday night she was feeling much much better.  Her finger tips have started peeling skin a little.  A couple of folks told me this was one of the side effects, so we aren't too worried.  Two weeks until her next session. 
I am currently applying for a second job.  It's tight around here.  Unbelievably tight.  I am not sure exactly how I am going to get to that job, but if I have to ride a bus and then bike the rest of the way so be it.  Prayers in that respect would be greatly appreciated. 
Mawg says to tell everyone thanks as always.  And we both wish you all much love and peace!

Today is day 13, and the hair started falling.

They told us that the chemo would cause Mawg's hair to fall out.  We were given a time frame of 7-14 days before we noticed anything.  Today is day 13, and the hair started falling.  We were on the back porch and she just happened to run her fingers through her hair while I was on the phone.  Looking down and finding a handful of hair was not expected.  It hit really hard.  I didn't really have any words at the moment, so I let her have her time.  After a few seconds or more of silence, I gave her my best Jerry wink and assured her that it would be okay.  She did as expected next and called her sister Elaine.  I don't mention her enough, and now is as good a time as any.  Elaine is Mawg's older sister.  She is the twin of Diane, the sister we lost to cancer a few short years ago, and the mother of Chrissy the niece we lost, also to cancer, in 2010.  Elaine is a integral part of team Kick Cancer's Ass around here.  She not only helps with transportation to and from appointments, but she is a huge part of Mawg's emotional support.  Whether it's breakfast at the casino, or dinner at Fergie's the time they spend together is priceless.  Thank you very much Elaine!! 

Now let's get back to the hair.   After calling Elaine and crying with her for a few minutes, she hung up and yelled for our son Art.  He had asked his mom if she would allow him to have the honor of giving her the buzz when it was time.  Well....it was time.  It took her about an hour total to work up the nerve to allow that first pass.  He was as gracious a son as there ever was.  Taking his time to gently take off the hair, and allowing her that time to slowly adjust to the fact it was happening.  I let him do about seventy-five percent of her hair, and then I took over.  I took advantage of the alone time to again let her know how beautiful she is and how much I love her.  I would have to say she took it like a trooper.  Of course there were more tears, and I am sure there are more still to come. 

We finished with the hair cut and I have got to give it her, she wears it well.  We have had a little bit of fun with now that the initial shock of the whole matter has worn off some.  There's the standard "Soitainly"..."Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk" references to Curly of the Three Stooges.  Thankfully she is a HUGE fan and really enjoyed that one.  A few more "slick" and "buzz" comments and the healing and the laughter both took over and let me tell you folks, we are going to be fine!! 

Second round of chemo is Friday next week.  Before too long we will talking about the last round.  It will be but a moment in the grand scheme of things.  I truly believe that time is irrelevant when you are partnered with your forever soul.  All of us have one.  I am fortunate enough to be one of the lucky people who has found mine. 

Thank you all once again for the love, prayers, and words of encouragement.  As always I wish you all much love and peace my friends. 

 It's been a few days since I last posted.  Sorry for this, things just get busy in a hurry around here.  Mawg started her chemotherapy on Friday.  It was a very big day in our lives around here.  It was the beginning of the healing.  It's now Monday and she is starting to feel some the side effects.  Her stomach has been turning all day.  She is having energy trouble.  She just can't seem to get any.  I encourage her to sleep when she can't take it anymore, and to get up and move the moment she feels up to it.  This is only the beginning.  We got it though.  Nothing can stop us.  We know this.....EVERYTHING has already tried. 

As a way to show both my love and support, I shaved my head tonight.  Was a pretty scary thing, that first buzz.....but it got fun really fast.  I think I am going to keep it like this for a long time.  I will do my best to keep everyone in the loop how ever she feels.  God Bless you all.  Much love and peace my friends.

WHAT EXACTLY IS OBAMACARE AND WHAT DOES IT CHANGE. "EXPLAINED LIKE YOU ARE A FIVE YEAR OLD"

As a service to my readers, I have decided to repost this wonderful explanation of  "Obamacare".  It is an exact breakdown, with no political spin, of what and when happens.  ___

Originally posted on Reddit by CaspianX2, this is a good, simple breakdown of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. ObamaCare, for anyone who isn't already up to speed or wants a simple overview.
____

Okay, explained like you're a five year-old (well, okay, maybe a bit older), without too much oversimplification, and (hopefully) without sounding too biased:

What people call "Obamacare" is actually the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. However, people were calling it "Obamacare" before everyone even hammered out what it would be. It's a term mostly used by people who don't like the PPACA, and it's become popularized in part because PPACA is a really long and awkward name, even when you turn it into an acronym like that.

Anyway, the PPACA made a bunch of new rules regarding health care, with the purpose of making health care more affordable for everyone. Opponents of the PPACA, on the other hand, feel that the rules it makes take away too many freedoms and force people (both individuals and businesses) to do things they shouldn't have to.

So what does it do? Well, here is everything, in the order of when it goes into effect (because some of it happens later than other parts of it):

Already in effect:

• It allows the Food and Drug Administration to approve more generic drugs (making for more competition in the market to drive down prices)
• It increases the rebates on drugs people get through Medicare (so drugs cost less)
• It establishes a non-profit group, that the government doesn't directly control, PCORI, to study different kinds of treatments to see what works better and is the best use of money. ( Citation: Page 665, sec. 1181 )
• It makes chain restaurants like McDonalds display how many calories are in all of their foods, so people can have an easier time making choices to eat healthy. ( Citation: Page 499, sec. 4205 )
• It makes a "high-risk pool" for people with pre-existing conditions. Basically, this is a way to slowly ease into getting rid of "pre-existing conditions" altogether. For now, people who already have health issues that would be considered "pre-existing conditions" can still get insurance, but at different rates than people without them.
• It renews some old policies, and calls for the appointment of various positions.
• It creates a new 10% tax on indoor tanning booths. ( Citation: Page 923, sec. 5000B )
• It says that health insurance companies can no longer tell customers that they won't get any more coverage because they have hit a "lifetime limit". Basically, if someone has paid for health insurance, that company can't tell that person that he's used that insurance too much throughout his life so they won't cover him any more. They can't do this for lifetime spending, and they're limited in how much they can do this for yearly spending. ( Citation: Page 14, sec. 2711 )
• Kids can continue to be covered by their parents' health insurance until they're 26.
• No more "pre-existing conditions" for kids under the age of 19.
• Insurers have less ability to change the amount customers have to pay for their plans.
• People in a "Medicare Gap" get a rebate to make up for the extra money they would otherwise have to spend.
• Insurers can't just drop customers once they get sick. ( Citation: Page 14, sec. 2712 )
• Insurers have to tell customers what they're spending money on. (Instead of just "administrative fee", they have to be more specific).
• Insurers need to have an appeals process for when they turn down a claim, so customers have some manner of recourse other than a lawsuit when they're turned down.
• New ways to stop fraud are created.
• Medicare extends to smaller hospitals.
• Medicare patients with chronic illnesses must be monitored more thoroughly.
• Reduces the costs for some companies that handle benefits for the elderly.
• A new website is made to give people insurance and health information. (I think this is it: http://www.healthcare.gov/ ).
• A credit program is made that will make it easier for business to invest in new ways to treat illness.
• A limit is placed on just how much of a percentage of the money an insurer makes can be profit, to make sure they're not price-gouging customers.
• A limit is placed on what type of insurance accounts can be used to pay for over-the-counter drugs without a prescription. Basically, your insurer isn't paying for the Aspirin you bought for that hangover.
• Employers need to list the benefits they provided to employees on their tax forms.

8/1/2012

• Any health plans sold after this date must provide preventative care (mammograms, colonoscopies, etc.) without requiring any sort of co-pay or charge.

1/1/2013

• If you make over $200,000 a year, your taxes go up a tiny bit (0.9%). Edit: To address those who take issue with the word "tiny", a change of 0.9% is relatively tiny. Any look at how taxes have fluctuated over the years will reveal that a change of less than one percent is miniscule, especially when we're talking about people in the top 5% of earners.

1/1/2014
This is when a lot of the really big changes happen.

• No more "pre-existing conditions". At all. People will be charged the same regardless of their medical history.
• If you can afford insurance but do not get it, you will be charged a fee. This is the "mandate" that people are talking about. Basically, it's a trade-off for the "pre-existing conditions" bit, saying that since insurers now have to cover you regardless of what you have, you can't just wait to buy insurance until you get sick. Otherwise no one would buy insurance until they needed it. You can opt not to get insurance, but you'll have to pay the fee instead, unless of course you're not buying insurance because you just can't afford it.
• Insurers now can't do annual spending caps. Their customers can get as much health care in a given year as they need. ( Citation: Page 14, sec. 2711 )
• Make it so more poor people can get Medicaid by making the low-income cut-off higher.
• Small businesses get some tax credits for two years.
• Businesses with over 50 employees must offer health insurance to full-time employees, or pay a penalty.
• Limits how high of an annual deductible insurers can charge customers.
• Cut some Medicare spending
• Place a $2500 limit on tax-free spending on FSAs (accounts for medical spending). Basically, people using these accounts now have to pay taxes on any money over $2500 they put into them.
• Establish health insurance exchanges and rebates for the lower and middle-class, basically making it so they have an easier time getting affordable medical coverage.
• Congress and Congressional staff will only be offered the same insurance offered to people in the insurance exchanges, rather than Federal Insurance. Basically, we won't be footing their health care bills any more than any other American citizen.
• A new tax on pharmaceutical companies.
• A new tax on the purchase of medical devices.
• A new tax on insurance companies based on their market share. Basically, the more of the market they control, the more they'll get taxed.
• The amount you can deduct from your taxes for medical expenses increases.

1/1/2015

• Doctors' pay will be determined by the quality of their care, not how many people they treat.

1/1/2017

• If any state can come up with their own plan, one which gives citizens the same level of care at the same price as the PPACA, they can ask the Secretary of Health and Human Resources for permission to do their plan instead of the PPACA. So if they can get the same results without, say, the mandate, they can be allowed to do so. Vermont, for example, has expressed a desire to just go straight to single-payer (in simple terms, everyone is covered, and medical expenses are paid by taxpayers).

2018

• All health care plans must now cover preventative care (not just the new ones).
• A new tax on "Cadillac" health care plans (more expensive plans for rich people who want fancier coverage).

2020

• The elimination of the "Medicare gap"

This is why we fight!

As she gets deeper and deeper in the fight, the wife may have days present themselves in which she needs a little bit of inspiration.  I put this together for those days. 

Tuesday of this week I will be paying tribute to Marguerite by getting a pink ribbon tattoo. The artist that is doing the work is donating his time and shop. He will be doing this all week I am told. I will have more information on Monday or Tuesday as to the address and any important details. I will also be posting pics as soon as it's done. Much love and peace my friends and God Bless.

"Aunt Poop"

Mawg goes to the surgeon tomorrow for her first post-op check-up.  The incision under her arm, where they removed the lymph nodes, starting showing signs of infection this afternoon.  With her appointment being very early in the morning, we are going to wait this out till then.  I am keeping a good eye on it to make sure it doesn't get any worse.  It was only a little bit of off color drainage.  There was no swelling, or redness that was out of the ordinary, and Amanda came by to give it a look too.  She calmed my fears a little which is what she does! 
My sister in law Elaine took Mawg out today to get some more new bras and while they were out she found some inserts that she liked.  Once a little more of the soreness wears off, she will give them a shot.   We are also looking at a catalogue from Liberator Medical that has a lot of nice options.  As one would expect, she is a little apprehensive going out in public, but she is dealing with that like a champ.  I see moments of emotion and I do what I can to alleviate her worries.  I am sure that I am some help, I just wish I could do more. 

The Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure in Saint Louis, is this Saturday.  A friend of the family is running the race and has asked Mawg for permission to run with "Aunt Poop" (Mawg's nickname) printed on the shirt she will wear for the race.  What a wonderful show of support.  Thank you very much to Angie Marie!  We love you very much.  We are with you in spirit every singe step of the race.  We wouldn't be in this fight without the great people at Susan G. Komen for the Cure!   

We have a busy week ahead of us.  My 25 year class reunion is this weekend.  An informal "meet and greet" Friday night, and a family friendly picnic Saturday.  We will both be attending Friday night's soiree, but she isn't able to sit outside in the sunlight or the heat so Saturday I will be going by myself.  I am pretty excited to see some folks that I haven't in a while, even though a lot of us keep in touch through Facebook.

That's pretty much it for now.  If there is any news from the surgeon tomorrow I will be sure to update as soon as I know.  I anticipate that there may be a prescription for antibiotics, but nothing else.  She really is healing at an impressive pace.  Let's hope that keeps up!

As always my friends, we love all of you.  We are more than grateful for all of your love and support.  We wish for you much love and peace!

Sometimes it gets the best of us............

It's been a week since the surgery and quite a bit has taken place.  Healing has begun.  The surgery itself was a smashing success.  The surgeon is confident that he got all of the cancerous cells.  So much so that we are waiting 6 weeks to start treatments rather than 2.  Her motion in her arm is still a little tender, but doing the exercises everyday is helping.  Energy levels are picking up everyday as well.  The emotions around here range from everything is beautiful to get out of my face.  Which is somewhat a return to normalcy.  We are both learning to deal with each other in a serious crisis.  We learn something every time there is a crisis, so this one should be no different.  I get up whenever she calls and help her through the night.  I do my best to wait on her when she allows.  It wears me out, and I am really tired.  But it's the least I can do.  I know she is dealing physically and emotionally with more uncomfortable things than I, and it only seems right that I should deal with some of it too.  I want her to know that she is not alone.   I can't speak completely for Mawg and how she feels, but her spirits are high and her fight has not slowed down.

Her physical recovery is moving along wonderfully too.  The drainage is less and less on  a daily basis.  The pain subsides from time to time.  The wounds are looking great, minimal swelling is taking place.   It is all doing a lot better than I had hoped or expected. 

We are going to try and start doing a better job of identifying some of the emotional toll this is taking on us and the ways we are dealing with it.  Whether good or bad, because I can tell you right now.  We are not handling every situation correctly.  We are trying, but sometimes it all gets the best of us.

As always thanks so much for the prayers and well wishes, and I wish peace and love to all of you.

.......use humor to its full potential.

Took a few days off of this.  No particular reason, just letting some things happen without hoopla. 

We are nearing the day of surgery.  Spirits are pretty good right now.  We have decided to use humor to its full potential.  That's pretty much the idea behind this post.  Do not let the best parts of you get caught up in negativity and sadness.  It has been said forever, that laughter is the best medicine.  Science has given us statistics to prove that healing, good physical health, and good mental health are all benefited by laughter.  The following is an excerpt from an article on WebMd discussing the physical effects of laughter:

In the last few decades, researchers have studied laughter's effects on the body and turned up some potentially interesting information on how it affects us:

• Blood flow. Researchers at the University of Maryland studied the effects on blood vessels when people were shown either comedies or dramas. After the screening, the blood vessels of the group who watched the comedy behaved normally -- expanding and contracting easily. But the blood vessels in people who watched the drama tended to tense up, restricting blood flow.
  
• Immune response. Increased stress is associated with decreased immune system response, says Provine. Some studies have shown that the ability to use humor may raise the level of infection-fighting antibodies in the body and boost the levels of immune cells, as well.
  
• Blood sugar levels. One study of 19 people with diabetes looked at the effects of laughter on blood sugar levels. After eating, the group attended a tedious lecture. On the next day, the group ate the same meal and then watched a comedy. After the comedy, the group had lower blood sugar levels than they did after the lecture.
  
• Relaxation and sleep. The focus on the benefits of laughter really began with Norman Cousin's memoir, Anatomy of an Illness. Cousins, who was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, a painful spine condition, found that a diet of comedies, like Marx Brothers films and episodes of Candid Camera, helped him feel better. He said that ten minutes of laughter allowed him two hours of pain-free sleep.

(the full article can be found here. )

As a lot of you know, comedy comes pretty easy to me.  I can attribute most of that to my genetics. My dad is one the funniest, quick witted, sharp tongued people I have ever met.  He taught us kids well.  In fact, to know my paternal side of the family is to know true laughter,  especially as medicine.  Spend ten minutes in the waiting room at any hospital with some of us and you will understand.  Attend a family funeral and you will certainly see more laughter than tears.  And those are the sad times! 

My mother was no slouch in the humor department herself.  Although her humor was a little more cerebral at times, and she was a wonderful straight man, even when she had no idea of the role to which she had been assigned. 

What a wonderful combination of influence!  It will come in very handy this next year.  Thank goodness Mawg has had 24 years of exposure and she not only understands my sense of humor, but appreciates it and often joins in. 

So, take the time to laugh.  Find the giggles in everything, they are there!  I leave you with a laugh for the day. 

One of the top three things on my bucket list is to buy

out and entire concert.  Then the artist will come out

on stage all dramatically, and it will be just me

sitting there like...

Much love and peace my friends!





Ok we officially got the name of what we have today. (We had it the whole time, but noone thought to write it down to remember until today)  It is

 INVASIVE DUCTAL CARCINOMA.

After an appointment with the surgeon today, Mawg learned that her surgery date is June 5th at 7:30 in the morning.  Here is what we know about what they will be doing at that time.  There are 5 to 25 lymph nodes located in the breast, all of those will have to come out, as well as the two masses in the breast.  That will take about 70% of the breast tissue away, so Mawg has decided to go with the full mastectomy.  This will do a couple of things, it will make recovery a little bit easier.  It also makes the chance for remission very low, as low as a 1%.  Next they remove at one lymph node from under the left arm.  There is a little bit of risk of rotator cuff trouble, maybe some nerve damage, and a LOT of swelling in her arm.  But there are always risks associated with surgery so overall we are pretty comfortable with it.  Finally they will be inserting a port/catheter into her chest that will be used for medications, chemo, and whatever else they come up with.  We are having that done while the rest is happening to get it out of the way instead of waiting till they start the chemo two weeks after her surgery. 

There will be some rehab involved to help with the recovery process after the underarm surgery, and then the year of chemo and radiation.  This will be a quick turn-around.  In on the 5th, home by the 6th barring any complications. 

Thank you to all of you for your prayers and support.  We are eternally greatful for the family and friends that are holding us up on a daily basis through all of this.  We love you all.  God Bless!

A message from Marguerite.

Occasionaly I will include here posts that are typed by me, but are the experiences of Mawg.  She has asked if I would help her word her thoughts, and I am more than happy to do so.  This is the first of those.  Most of the day was spent by her and her sister at the hospital getting tests done to prepare for the upcoming surgery.  This is her story:



Another round of tests and procedures today.  First was the plastic surgeon.  A very nice middle aged man who explained everything in a manner that was easily understood.  He explained the advantages and disadvantages of reconstructive surgery.   They could immediately do a few things that would lead to an eventual reconstructed breast.  But this can cause problems in many areas.  From delayed recovery, to delayed treatment, to multiple surgeries to get the correct size.  I took all this in and gave it some consideration, but for the most part, I had already made up my mind.  My life over my vanity.  There are many things I can do to deal with the cosmetic side of things.  It's not really my priority.  So I thanked him for the offer, but have decided against.

Next came the bone scan.  They started an IV and injected a radioactive marker into me.  The technician assured me that I wouldn't glow in the dark when we were finished.  So far she is right.  Then it was off to the CT scan.  More into the IV, this time it was iodine.  Tasted like shit, make me feel like I was on fire, and good lord did I have to pee all of a sudden.  Done for the day.  The results from all of this will come at the next appoinment on Thurdsay. 

Other than this, there isn't much more to tell.  I have been a little tired lately, could be a little sick, might just be a little bummed out.  Either way, I find a way to shake it all off and keep a good head on my shoulders.  Thanks again to all of you for your prayers. 

I love you all!

Marguerite

05/21/2012

Hi everyone!  Jerry here again.  I would like to share with all of you my thoughts about today.  I completely agree with Mawg's decision concerning the reconstructive surgery.  Or I guess I should say the decision against it.  This is about her fight and her choices in that fight.  I personally am happy she opted out.  I would rather avoid the obstacles that we can. 

Please join my facebook page for updates and further discussions.  Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support.   FACEBOOK PAGE

inspiration

When another man feels up your wife...

I can't imagine how Mawg must have felt this morning.  (For those who do not know, Mawg is the only name I have called Marguerite from pretty much the first day.  So from here on out, that's what I will be using.)  I was a total wreck.  We both just pretty much got ready on instinct.  There were a couple of conversations.  Of that I am sure, but their topics?  Couldn't begin to tell you.   Once Amanda got here the jokes and tension breakers started flowing and I knew that it was going to be okay. 

Once at the office, some information was exchanged at the reception desk and we waited about 5 minutes before they called us back.  Mawg was told to change into the gown and wait for the doctor.  What seemed like forever later, and while I was in the restroom naturally, the doc finally came in.  He asked a few easy questions.  Any history of breast cancer....  Any yadda yadda...  Then he asked if he could examine her.  When another man feels up your wife, normally you would expect to crash a bit of devastation in his general direction.  I was surprisingly calm.  I actually have to admit, they guy has technique.  He must.  He didn't get slapped like I always do when I have a handful. 

Once finished with the exam he very calmly sat, looked at his chart, and said it.  "Well, you have breast cancer....." There was surely more than just that, but that's pretty much what I heard and it echoed for the next few seconds.  Okay, that wasn't so tough.  I guess being told it's pretty much cancer had it's merits after all.  Without really giving the information time to sink too far home, the doctor explained a few things.

As far as breast cancer goes, this is a bad one.  The tumor that is in the breast is 6.3 cm.  There is also one that is 3 cm in the lymph nodes. It fits the criteria of Stage Three Breast Cancer. The plan of attack is aggressive.  Mawg will have a mastectomy of the left breast as soon as they get the surgery and preliminary tests scheduled.  There will also be some type of surgery to remove the one under the arm.  That will be followed by 4 months of chemotherapy, and then 6 months of radiation.  This won't be an easy road but if done correctly and with the grace of God, as it stands right now this is a curable cancer.   

So there we have it.  Problem identified, plan of action developed, achievable goal established.  We haven't really taken an emotional inventory yet.  That will come sometime in the next couple of days.  For now, you know what we know.  Thanks for all the prayers and support.  Much love and as always peace to you all.

We're off to see The Wizard!

Appointment this morning with the doctor.  I think this is the oncologist, but I am not sure.  It is the big reveal.  After this, we will know what we are fighting, and how equipped we are for battle.  I probably should have eaten breakfast, but I just can't get an appetite this morning. Amanda will be here in just a moment.  It's certainly nice to know that my princess will be sitting by our side today.  Her and her brother really do good by their mom.   We did a good job with them despite our shortcomings.   And....on that note we are off to see The Wizard.

"So.....it is cancer?..."

Today started like any normal day.  My daughter brought Maggie over early for us to babysit while she worked and my son in law helped out a family member.  Cheyenne woke up with a beautiful smile ready to take on the day.  I actually slept in a little thanks to a caring wife that kept it quiet in the house.  Quiet that is till the phone rang around 9:30 am.  I was still in that hazy, confusing state of semi-sleep.  I couldn't exactly hear the conversation the wife was having, and I had no idea who was on the other end of the line, but something forced me to clear my head and pay closer attention.  It was at that point that I heard my wife in a shaken voice say the words that will surely forever reverberate in my memory,

"so....it IS cancer..."
This was no secret, there was no surprise, we even expected those words to be spoken at some time in this process.  Knowing this, we have spent the last couple of days preparing as best as possible to be strong when the moment came.  Not losing one opportunity for a hug, or a kiss, or a simple pat on the leg of reassurance and love.  Taking the time to say "it's going to be alright" in passing.  Showing each other courage and strength with something as simple as a wink and a smile.  All of this designed to construct around us a cushion or buffer zone hoping to ease some of the shock and pain when the moment came.  It would be wonderful for me to report to you that being prepared made it all so much easier, but I have to tell you that just isn't the case.  Nothing can prepare you for the news that someone you love is facing their mortality directly.  My heart was crushed.  Question after question begged for attention in my mind.  Fear, confusion, anger, and sorrow took turns running laps in my heart.  What do we do now?  The game had forever been changed and I hadn't trained for this.

 Whether or not you prepare for the future, it happens.  That's the harsh reality of the indifference of destiny.

We spent the rest of the morning breaking the news to family and our closest friends before posting it on Facebook.   Support and sympathy was the theme for the day mixed with a smattering of advice and inspiration.  Proof once again that Mawg and I have this beautiful cirle of life that encompasses some of the most caring, loving, and beautiful people God has ever brought together.   We then took a few moments alone, together.  Allowing the overflow of emotion.  Holding on to each other tight enough to keep us in place while the rest of the Universe was spinning in the way it does each and every moment in time.   We used that few seconds to reassure each other that this was just another fight.  We are okay with a fight.  Hell we are the World Tag Team Champions!  We have faced men, moments, and machines that have kicked us around, and at given moments either one of us may have been down for a two count.  But that's one of us, and there are two on this team.

 Nothing has ever beaten us as a team in twenty four years.  This isn't going to be the first.